To be frank, your problem is so common yet majority of us go through it without pausing to fix it. It's the Procrastination fix.

I get that you're content with the pace of things in your life and that is pretty good in itself, so let's cross the minor speed breaker in your path.

We often hear about work that needs to be done and figure we'll do it later and there's no rush and just in the blink of an eye we don't realize when that 1 assignment turns into 2, 3 or more and let's face it most of us phobic of math hate it when the numbers go up, giving us all the more reason to 'let go' .

Letting go is the solution to most emotional conflicts of the highest order but not this not so emotional one.

First of, if you spend even so much as an hour and begin, since the beginning is the toughest part. Start by writing the topic, your name, subject, essential details, look at the paper there, write a page and once you get in the flow it gets rolling.

Make a list of all that is left, begin with the toughest so that your worst nightmare gets away with at once and the rest come to you easy.

If you're a music person, plug in those earphones and go at it, if you're a dance person, do your routine then do a bit, do more, do the other bit, if you're a social person, do it in a group, now I know that is quite an impossible task but stay trapped in one room or one place for a long time, stock up your food and drink supplies and delegate each bit to each one and before you know it, it'll be done.

If you're more of an introvert, sit in a nice coffee shop, sip your favorite coffee,use their wifi or books or whatever you need and call a friend in between when you're bored. You get to meet, eat and finish off that nasty bit of work and that my friend will cease to create bumps on your road to contentment. 

So essentially thus begins the problem of being dominated by another. I understand at times one goes through a phase where its much easier to just comply than argue or confront but when it goes on for longer periods of time it reaches a stage where it becomes frustrating.

It becomes an obstruction to your own path, to your own growth and development and for your own good you need to weed it out before it becomes toxic to you.

Now that the problem is clear, it becomes easier to work towards a solution. Begin by gradually maintaining a distance from this person and start in your mind by maintaining a psychological distance. Most often it so happens that we construct a far worse picture adding our emotional interpretation to things than what is actually there.

Gradually once you begin to do this, you'll see the changes manifest physically. Talk to the friend as normally as you'd talk to the other person but keep in mind the physical and mental distance you need to keep yourself emotionally stable and free of mental clutter. 

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. It's understandable that any sort of loss is difficult to cope with, and the loss of a good friend is especially difficult to overcome.
What you have to understand is that the coping process is very complex and not necessarily the same for everybody. What you have been going through is very normal and nothing to worry about or stress over.
Some people have complete mental break downs at the occurrence of an unfortunate incidence while others may have a reaction days or even weeks later. What matters is how you deal with those reactions and what you do to overcome such feelings.
Since all of us cope differently, I can give you tips on how to get back on your feet and lead life as you normally would:

1) Talk about the person
Usually, talking about a loved one who has passed can help you to overcome sad feelings about that individual and also help to share memories about that person. Sharing feelings and memories also provides a sense of closure and allows one to move on from the loss. This will make talking about your friend easier over time and he/she will no longer remain a sad or taboo topic.

2) Cry
Crying is very much part of the grieving process and may also help to take some of the load off. Sometimes after we let the tears roll, we feel as though a huge weight has been lifted. There's a feeling of calm and relaxation which could be very helpful. Also, if you don't happen to cry, it doesn't mean that you're abnormal. We all have our individual differences so don't be worried if it doesn't happen.

3) Draw comfort from faith
If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you (such as praying, meditating, or going to church) can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.

4) Express your feelings in a creative
For those people who are not the best at simply talking, drawing, writing journals, etc. can help. Since the loss you are suffering from is very sudden, you could write a letter to your friend about all the things you may have wanted to say to him/her which you never got a chance to. Sometimes making scrapbooks or putting together albums of old photos can also help.

5) Look after your physical health
The mind and body are connected so do not neglect yourself. When you feel good physically, you also feel good emotionally. Eat, sleep, and exercise as per your normal routine. Do not use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. That never helps.

6) Look to friends and family for support
Friends and family are our 24/7 support system and you should never feel like you have to hide your feelings or be embarrassed in front of them. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that’s offered. Often times, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need.

7) Most importantly- Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either.
Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgement  It’s okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.

I would personally also suggest that you see a counselor if your problems seem to persist and  make normal living a hassle. There's no shame in seeking help when it's needed and no it does not mean that you're depressed or crazy. Grief works in extremely complex and mysterious ways so take it as it comes, one step at a time. There's no hurry and there's no rush to feel normal.
I sincerely hope this grieving process brings you closer to your friend and helps you learn a lot more about yourself.
Do feel free to send us an email here on Conscious Ink if you ever need ears to listen to you or a shoulder to cry on. Remember, you're never alone.

Ah! The green monster of jealousy, a classic hurdle in the lives of most love birds. Before you begin to think wrongly of the relationship that your girlfriend and this friend of hers may have, you need to ask yourself a few  questions:

1) Do you trust your girlfriend?

If your answer happens to be "yes" then the issue is resolved then and there. You shouldn't have to worry about your girlfriend falling for someone else if you trust that she would never fall for someone else. If you have complete faith in her as well as your relationship, you need to push this jealousy and anger out of your head and focus on more positive thoughts such as how strong your bond is as a couple and how much love you two share. However, if your answer is "no", then you have to reconsider why you're in this relationship in the first place. Trust is a basic foundation of all relationships; so if you do not trust your girlfriend, your problems definitely lie beyond just the presence of this 'friend' in her life.

2) Does your girlfriend ever lie about her conversations or hangouts with this friend?
If you have caught her lying, then that is definitely a red flag. But, that's not necessarily a reason to panic. Ask her why she had to lie to you. If her answers seem trivial and random and she seems to have been taken by surprise, you may have something to worry about. Be clear about your doubts but do NOT argue, she may also have a point somewhere. However, if your girlfriend is an open book, then you just may be over thinking it!

3) Has there been a change in your relationship since this friend has entered her life?
Now this is the trickiest question and must be answered with complete honesty. Generally, jealousy and doubt envelope us to the extent that we can no longer judge situations objectively. If your relationship has been going strong for the last 3 months, then there's definitely no reason to doubt it. In the last 3 months, if you feel as if there are growing differences between you two, then there just may be something to worry about. Nonetheless, it is best to keep in mind that these growing differences need not be because of this new friendship. There could very well be other issues that need to be addressed.

All in all, what you need is to seriously ponder upon these three questions. Also, the most successful relationships are the result of perfect communication within a couple. So, simply talk to her and share how you feel. There's no need for blame, bitterness, or anger. These negative feelings usually lead to further arguments and have no end.

Remember, relationships are the hard and it takes a lot of patience to deal with the feelings that come with it. Sometimes we have to dig deep down inside, find that green monster of jealousy, and scare it away with love, trust, and the belief that the bond we share is so much stronger than anything else.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you read this? Don't be quick to judge because each one of us has faced it at some point or the other.
 
This is a problem of passivity. We become mere spectators in our own lives, maybe due to fear or just because we're not sure of ourselves.
 
Like school as the foundation of childhood and adolescence, college is about discovering how you're going to be for the rest of your adult life. 

It gives you the chance to rediscover or redefine your individuality for which you need to shoulder some responsibility.
 
What then is the solution to such commonplace everyday problems for you and me?
 
ASSERTIVENESS : Sounds like a nice, fancy word but what exactly does it entail !
 
We read stories about how something heroic happens when people stand up for themselves and what they believe in. Well, there is some truth to it. We need to be our own heroes. 

You might be shy or have anxiety or fear of groups maybe but I'm very sure about one thing. No matter how much fear or doubts you have filled inside you, you also have some things you really believe in or love no matter what anyone says or does, you hold onto them real tight.

You need to remember the feeling you get when you think of that thing, person or idea and also know you are one person you're going to hold onto for the rest of your life and that is one thing you can be a complete 100% sure of which means that you put that belief in yourself.

I was a very shy person myself and assertiveness began for me in the form of a whisper in my friend's ear about an idea I had which I thought made sense, she blurted it out and next thing I know I find some people agreeing, some disagreeing but nearly everyone think about it and it happened and when it was out there it became one of our best memories and made me believe I make a difference.
 
So all I'll say is put forward your choices, your decisions and why it makes sense to you and even if its not always IMPLEMENTED, keep in mind it is always IMPLANTED and that most certainly makes all the difference.

Light of recent events, women’s safety has definitely gained a great deal of importance; an event that should have happened much sooner. As they say though, better late than never. The nation’s capital had slowly become a feeding ground for men who see women as nothing more than pieces of meat. They are constantly on the prowl; while some get a kick out of a simple whistle or shoulder bump, others go on to commit much more heinous acts. With the string of protests and forwarded SMSs which strongly condemn such acts, we all know change takes time. The change required here is much more than reduction of a particular form of behaviour. It is a deeply ingrained thought in the minds of many individuals raised in a society of complete patriarchy.

As society changes however, we women have to keep in mind that safety comes first. I’m sure all of us have experienced at least one incident which sent chills down our spine. Whether it is a casual stare or even somebody following us, we’ve all been there. What matters is, there is always a way out. I remember an incident in which three men who were on one bike followed me as I was travelling back home on a rickshaw. Though I did not pay heed at first, as they continued to follow me, my fear grew. I began to sweat profusely, my hands became clammy, and I did not know what to do. At that very moment I realized that I needed to get a hold of myself, I needed to think my way out of this one. I picked up my phone and pretended to dial the police, acting as calm and non-chalant as possible. I made sure those men could hear me, all I needed to do was make them fear me; make them realize that I can do just as much harm. Though that did work, I got off of the rickshaw a few blocks before my house, just so the men would not have a definite idea of where I live.

The incident, though extremely frightening, did teach me to rely on my senses. I learned to not picture myself as a vulnerable and helpless damsel in distress; rather, as a woman who knows how to get out of a tough spot. Though such thinking does not apply to all situations, it’s a thought all women should carry with them as they venture out into the city. In fact, there have also been reported incidences of women beating up eve teasers. Now, we know violence is not the answer, but we can learn a lot from these women. The most important lesson being preparation and confidence are very important!

Aside from the normal advice we all get from our mummies and daddies (‘come home before it gets dark’, ‘don’t travel alone’,etc.) women should also keep in mind that we are not vulnerable. If we use our heads, there are so many ways we can scare off wrongdoers. Moreover, with several operational help lines and alternatives such as self defence (classes happening all over the Delhi-NCR area) we can actually prove that there is no such thing as the “weaker sex” by being prepared, mentally as well as physically. So Delhi ki kudiyaan, party, protest, be safe, and remember: ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’

Hey guys :)

We start 2013 with a little surprise for you. Here's bringing to you a column reaching out to your consciousness, a place where we share all that we feel helps you feel whole and enjoy the little somethings of everyday life. We also hope to have a very interactive place to talk, discuss and share all of
what makes us feel.

Try and remember what it felt like to start new beginnings. Whether you're in your first year or second or third, its still never too late to start afresh.

Have you made that little effort to go beyond the normal? Talk to people and surprise yourself because it isn't all that meets the eye here.

Discover each other, grow , learn and make things happen because it's your world out there.

We hope amongst other things since old things go, and change isn't always comfortable or easy we help you allow the new to make its way through and give it our own twist.

It's us, you and all of us together walking at pace with each other, not a step more, not a step less.

We look forward to hearing from you often and you're always welcome to put forward your suggestions, improvisations, criticisms, questions and just about anything.

Aakriti Astha, currently pursuing Psychology Honors, in her final year, Kamala Nehru College, 20 years old, believes that everyone has a voice and a need to share his/her feelings. She is extremely passionate about helping out those in need and also loves to write!

Ridhi Murari currently also pursuing Psychology hons., final year, Kamala Nehru College, 20 years old, fond of writing and creating a dent in the world around look forward to hear from you and what you're all about.

Hop on aboard and Cheers !

Happy New Year.