"I'm a 2nd year student and have been in a committed relationship with a girl for 1 year now (same year, different college). She became friends with a fellow from her college about 3 months ago and I thought it was great at first. But now, I feel as though all she talks about is that friend of hers. What's more, she hangs out with him and has frequent and very long conversations with him over the phone. Sometimes I fear that we'll drift apart because of this new 'friend' and the importance he has in her life. What do I do?"
Ah! The green monster of jealousy, a classic hurdle in the lives of most love birds. Before you begin to think wrongly of the relationship that your girlfriend and this friend of hers may have, you need to ask yourself a few  questions:

1) Do you trust your girlfriend?

If your answer happens to be "yes" then the issue is resolved then and there. You shouldn't have to worry about your girlfriend falling for someone else if you trust that she would never fall for someone else. If you have complete faith in her as well as your relationship, you need to push this jealousy and anger out of your head and focus on more positive thoughts such as how strong your bond is as a couple and how much love you two share. However, if your answer is "no", then you have to reconsider why you're in this relationship in the first place. Trust is a basic foundation of all relationships; so if you do not trust your girlfriend, your problems definitely lie beyond just the presence of this 'friend' in her life.

2) Does your girlfriend ever lie about her conversations or hangouts with this friend?
If you have caught her lying, then that is definitely a red flag. But, that's not necessarily a reason to panic. Ask her why she had to lie to you. If her answers seem trivial and random and she seems to have been taken by surprise, you may have something to worry about. Be clear about your doubts but do NOT argue, she may also have a point somewhere. However, if your girlfriend is an open book, then you just may be over thinking it!

3) Has there been a change in your relationship since this friend has entered her life?
Now this is the trickiest question and must be answered with complete honesty. Generally, jealousy and doubt envelope us to the extent that we can no longer judge situations objectively. If your relationship has been going strong for the last 3 months, then there's definitely no reason to doubt it. In the last 3 months, if you feel as if there are growing differences between you two, then there just may be something to worry about. Nonetheless, it is best to keep in mind that these growing differences need not be because of this new friendship. There could very well be other issues that need to be addressed.
All in all, what you need is to seriously ponder upon these three questions. Also, the most successful relationships are the result of perfect communication within a couple. So, simply talk to her and share how you feel. There's no need for blame, bitterness, or anger. These negative feelings usually lead to further arguments and have no end.

Remember, relationships are the hard and it takes a lot of patience to deal with the feelings that come with it. Sometimes we have to dig deep down inside, find that green monster of jealousy, and scare it away with love, trust, and the belief that the bond we share is so much stronger than anything else.

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    Young ladies duo from Psychology Department of Kamala Nehru College
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